"One Damn Thing After Another..."

Now, about that airplane..

As everybody knows, Donald Trump wants to accept a gift Boeing 747 from Qatar. But what even POTUS should understand is that there is no such thing as a free jet.

As it turns out, a family friend of ours ran the White House gift office for many years, from Reagan to Clinton. The policy then—as it should be now—is that the president was welcome to accept any gift sent to the office—so long as he PAID for it. Appraisers were called in for the purpose. Our friend wrote a memoir, privately published.

Reagan, of course, received a ton of jelly beans. (He preferred the black licorice one, I understand.) Most were given to charity. But he did accept—and pay the appraised price—for a weed-whacker with the presidential seal, sent by an admirer. He also got a lot of boots and saddles, which were donated. And a pack of monogrammed condoms, with “RR” on them. History remains mute about what happened to them.

Shortly after the first Gulf War, the Saudis sent George H.W. Bush a whole bunch of guns. Not six-shooters, but automatic weapons. Complete with ammunition. The Secret Service got very excited about that, and they were quickly removed. Barbara, on the other hand, received a leather handbag in the shape of the First Dog, Millie. She kept it. And paid for it.

There is not much in the book about the Clintons. But our friend recorded that the White House often got strange stuff. As she writes in the memoir: “There was a man in England who sent stamps—not rare stamps, just stamps that had been ripped off envelopes. Every time he sent them he renamed himself. He first was a sir, then an earl, then a duke. I said that if I stayed at the gift office long enough he’d eventually be Jesus.”

People who called the White House were often referred to the gift office. Our friend once received a call from a woman who claimed that Jerry Falwell was in her vagina and wouldn’t come out. There was also a woman who complained that her son never called her. Our friend called him—”This is the White House,” she began—and told him to call his mother right away. He did.

All this is simply to say that Donald Trump is welcome to keep the jet. According to Boeing, the going price for a 747-800—the jet on offer—is $400 million.

Maybe Trump can pay Qatar with some of his funny crypto money.